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Tonya and Zachary Blog / Journal 2008.
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"Ok Ok so I am a geek at heart. Always have been always will be. I watched Prince Caspian on TV over xmas & yes I have read all CS Lewis Narnia books, read them as a kid then again as an adult. Yes I like my gadgets, my mobile phone, my laptop, my camera. Yes I think the technological revolution is fantastic and that computers are great and anyone who does not needs to think about it carefully. Your house is full of computers, processors and micro chips. They are in your washing machine, TV, game console if you have one, camera, phone any kitchen gadget with a timer or clock. They operate lifts in buildings, lights, alarms (security & fire), air conditioning etc. They run our hospitals, fire stations, Police computing systems, banks, shops, work machinery and of course our cars. The world as we know it now would grind to a halt without the micro processor never mind electricity which of course comes from a power plant run by computers. So this years Christmas lectures which I watch every year is on Computing. Watch & learn - it ain't just for kids !!!
Plus the website is mega mega cool. Visit the Christmas Lectures 2008 website.
Merry Christmas - posted on 19/12/2008 by Tonya
Christmas is great. I love Christmas !!!! The glitter, glitz, tack, hype and the food. I love it all. Bring it on & load it with glitter the tackier the better. Chistmas for me is all about getting into that Christmas spirit. I guess an excuse to be happy & spread good cheer and get away with it LOL. I think its a reminder to us all that a smile and good mood don't take much but can make a difference to your day and maybe someone elses.
Merry Christmas to everyone !!
Of course having a child makes it extra special as he can enjoy all that fun and hype too. This year he is enjoying me enjoying Christmas but I don't think he knows what Christmas really is yet.
We have both had a bad case of the winter colds, Zachary's went to his chest and gave him an infection and an ear infection. He of course passed his lovely bug to me LOL.
The chistmas message from Zachary and me I created with Adobe Illustrato. I actually created it to put in our Xmas cards and thought I would add it here too. I have been really lax about adding blog entries but aim to do better next year. Zachary likes seeing photos of himself and since I make them all into a real paper diary it makes sense to keep them uptodate.
Xmas & things that it makes you think about. - posted on 18/12/2008 by Tonya
Why am I writting this? Because I guess I have always used my diary as a slightly cathartic way of getting things that are on my mind out of my head. In my head they just spin about. Once written they stop spinning and become hard written thoughts that I find easier to go back to and think about perhaps with a different viewpoint later so I write about a worry.
Addicted to life, ebay and sugar!
I was an ebay addict. I got good at it, But like a lot of good things they can get out of hand. Perhaps I have a slightly addictive personality. Good job I don't really like alcohol much really. Just shame that it has transferred itself to an addiction of sugar - it isn't helping me loose my baby weight LOL
Why am I talking about Ebay??? Because when composing my dear diary I often think of Bridgette and her weight report LOL> Anyway it also makes me think of me & mum selling off all my baby stuff & all my old junk while I lived at mum's & also some stuff I shouldn't have. Which I regret.
It also makes me think about Xmas, xmas presents and things that you buy and sell. Christmas well that makes you think of family and friends. Lets face it you have friends that you go out drinking with or shopping or whatever and then you have family. You are not expected to alwasy be bessy mates with them, bonus if you are of course, but you alwasy love them. They will alwasy after all be family & often the people with whome you share the most in common with in the whole world. Sometimes even characteristics you wished you didn't share.
I adore my brother. I always have. Right from him being born I loved him & still do. Actually we didn't row that much and were always great friends. There is a 4 year age gap and later on as teenagers when I left home we probably grew up not really knowing each other very much. especially since I in particular moved away. We are quite different in some respects but in others very alike. We still like similar books and topics of interest and probably have similar outlooks on the world. In fact I find him a very easy person to chat to about all sorts of things and often realise we seem to think alike. I adore him my baby brother & in many ways over later years in particular we did this sort of role reversal with him becoming a sort of older brother figure that looked out for his dizzzy sister. Deep down I hope that he still adores me even though I do stupid things sometimes.
Right now I have an almost perfectly blessed & happy life. I have for the first time since I probably started working a perfect balance between work and play. Work wise I am at the peak of my life in terms of skills and experience. Educationally I am about to finish my degree in a subject that was actually a childhood passion. I have spent 15 years living away from family and for the first time since leaving home have come back to develop a beautiful new friendship with my Mum. I have a child. Something I did not ever imagine myself doing and certainly never planned but adore above and beyond anything else I have ever done. I have travelled the world and made friends far and wide who never cease to astonish me with the beatiful things they say about me.
(Michelle for saying that I am a beautiful person & she didn't mean picture perfect, Kylie for saying she couldn't imagine anyone not liking me, Katie for offering me the balance on her Virgin Credit Card to buy me a flight home if I ever got into trouble while I was travelling, Eirien for travelling from North wales to see Zachary in his incubator when I have far older friends who 3 years on still have not met him, Julia for being bold & independant & feisty & bubbly and warm & saying that I am exactly the same, Rachel for making me her daughters legal guardian..... ) Wonderful warm lovely people who care who's friendship I am honoured beyond measure to have. Friends who are often in my thoughts (I love facebook) & always in my heart.
These are all things that make my life really great and very happy right now. The one thorn in my side is my ebay addiction mistake. A mistake that despite all my sincerest apologies refuses to be forgotton. In fact it rears its head on an almost regular basis and reminds me that sometimes life just can't ever be perfect.
It feels like a scratch that instead of healing is becoming a horrid cancerous open wound that is festering and growing uglier day by day. Here I am at almost 4am unable to sleep over 12 months later because of thinking about it. Maybe its because Christmas is here which is a family time and a time for good will. A time when forgiveness is in the air & new beginnings are around the corner. Old baggage about to be forgotton. But mostly love and happiness. Kids, laughter, joy, sharing. There are people out there lonely & sad with no family and being close to your own feels somehow important.
Lessons in life
There are always lesson's to be learnt in life. What are mine? Well since travelling 5 years ago I know my life has become calmer and more balanced not just on the surface but also inside. I have a calmer head space now and I know find it easier to accept that not everyone you meet in life will like you and love you. I have long since learnt to like and love myself and though like everyone I occasionally question myself deep down I kind of like the feisty, bubbly, independent, strong woman I have become. I guess I like myself. I have also realised sometimes the issues other people have with you aren't yours? They are actually nothing to do with you but actually someone elses demons and insecurities. Just because you like yourself doesn't mean other people are at peace within themselves. Buddha took a long time to reach inner peace. In fact Buddhism has it right in this sense. They preach the middle path to inner calm.
But I think since we should learn about life all the way through that the lesson I am taking into the end of 2008 is that despite being a natural fixer I can't fix everything. It has always been my way to when things don't work be they jobs, objects, relationships to fix them and if they can't be fixed change them or just move away. Well some things you simply can't fix so yu have to simply try to remain calm and tolerant and accept that not all things are within your power to mend. Sometimes you just have to let a thing be and not allow it to be a negative pull on your positive energy. A long time ago in Bermuda a friend of mine told me that I was the most positive person she had ever met, an eternal sunny person who was also very focused and that eventually I would learn that I shouldn't waste my positive energy & happiness on people and things that don't deserve it. I still wish I could fix this but am realising it is easier to release it and move on. Forgive and forget. Negative and hurtful emotions held inside fester and in the end can only hurt you & I refuse to be someone who holds onto hurt.
I am off to bed now and strange though it may sound once again my dear diary has done its job. I stil weigh more than I should but feel more peaceful inside and that is what counts in the end. Goodnight world & may peace be with you all
Setting Sun - posted on 10/12/2008 by Tonya
One of the things I miss about being abroad and living on the beach is the sunsets so now & then I sit in the garden and watch the sun go down. This photo is taken from my back garden. The sun setting over my garden fence might not seem like the most exciting thing to talk about but today has been such a nice chilled out day that I felt it was worth ending with a sunset. The last few weeks have been so busy. Starting my OU course & getting back to my Marine Biology text books LOL & also travelling quite a lot. Busy days make you relish quiet ones.
Making Christmas Cards- White paints - Snowman in wh - posted on 07/12/2008 by Tonya
Zachary and I have this great book by Usbourne on things to make and do for Christmas. We picked a design for Christmas Cards and today we sat making them. I went to the art shop last week and bought some dark green coloured card, white paint and black felt. I spent a whole evening sat cutting buttons and hats out for the snowmen LOL. I feel for all those primary teachers who are doing this for 30 kids at school LOL. At least when I prepare for craft sessions I only have one kid to prepare for. We used a potatoe for the white paint bodies and orange card for the noses. Zachary did all the paint and glue himself. I only had to rearrange a few hats & noses he he. On the whole they look great. Well done Usbourne we love your Make & Do books & well done Zachary. My smart clever little boy.
Playing in the december winter sun - posted on 01/12/2008 by Tonya
There is something really nice about that sharp bright winter sunshine. It is crisp and clear and bright in a way that summer sun is not. Zachary was out playing with his friend Matthew on the climbing frame and giving Mum a chance to sit and chill out while also taking some nice snapshots. The nice thing about kids of this age is that they can play without needing you to hold their hands. Imagination in full force they were digging in the bark and visiting the zoo LOL. We also found a big blue beetle that was really cool.
Black President of the USA - posted on 05/11/2008 by Tonya
World News today!!! Well realy my blog is just that mostly about me, my life and my thoughts but I understand as most authors must that I cannot remove myself from my environment. Like all authors I am affected by the world around me, its pervailing social structure, moral codes and events. I studied English Literature many moons ago and always remember being taught about how authors books over the years will always reflect their own sentiment because of the world and environment they live in. For example Dickens reflected to us life in his times on the streets of london. Rudyard Kipling was a colonialist and his books slightly reflect that thinking. I am an English white christian my writing reflects my world. It is hard for a basically christian born white english person to understand the moral believes of an islamic extremist partly because my world and it's beliefs are so far removed from theirs. So world news is bound to have an impact upon my world and ultimately upon me.
In the past I wrote about the london bombings, many years ago in a written (on real paper) diary I wrote about the Berlin Wall being destroyed and remember watching it on television. Today on television I watched another piece of world history unfold. Something that the year Martin Luther King died (ironically the year I was born) could never have been imagined. A black man elected as President of the United States of America. Democratic Senator Barack Obama has been elected the first black president of the United States. Right now is president elect which means that he will take his poistion when the current President office is handed over. This is monumental history. Times are a changing and I for one am glad to see it. Prejudice of any sort has no place in the future of human kind and I would really like to think World Peace really was more than a pipe dream. You never know ......
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